Hm. Who can I call at 2 a.m.? Why don't I have someone to call? Last time I felt lonely like this I called my mom. Although that was earlier in the evening so that explains it. I wanna call Levi, I haven't talked to her since my phone broke, she hasn't been online anywhere. I know she's working, but... I hope she's not dead! She would probably not appreciate a phone call in the middle of the night though. I wanna call Saga too. Right... S sent me a mail. And, kind of, in her own way, apologized... It was nice. I suppose we're... cool. I still haven't talked to her though. I wonder if it'll be awkward. I wonder if she's awake... No, Milla, not call. Am I pathetic and lonely everytime J leaves?! I could call her I suppose... No, Milla, she's working. Okay... so what I was SUPPOSED to write about today comes now:


Since my phone is not working, and I had all my music in there, I was feeling panicky about going to work without a mp3. (Hrmm, I had an old mp3-player. But... last time I got mad (before the phone incident) I threw it out the window... Anyways...) So my dad took me to NetOnNet to buy a cheap, rotten mp3-player. I bought basically the cheapest one there, that looked promising (that didn't have 5 hours of battery-thingy. Hello? I work 8 hours a day? Do you think I have time to go load the mp3 in the middle of everything?!). I was feeling happy. It had fucking 4GB! Damn. For that prize. I should have guessed something was wrong.

Yeah, it was cheap alright, but it still cost money. IT. DOESN'T. WORK. Or rather should I say; It's ALIVE, and it HATES me! He has this thing (I'm gonna say "he" from now on. I named him "The Little Devil" in Swedish. I would have named him "Doi Hachirou", but I already named the machine at work that ALWAYS cause me trouble that), whenever he feels like it, he TURNS HIMSELF OFF! It can be anytime; when I'm pressing a button, changing songs, changing settings, turning him on (not that way you perverts T.T), or worst of all: IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG! Oh yeeah, he likes that last one. ALWAYS! And always in the best songs, RIGHT before the best parts of the song! And I noticed this the first day, and I tried to tell J there was something wrong with it, and I tried to show her. And of course, THEN he decides to act all nice, yeah act all nice in front of J, you sucker. I know you're a devil!

So basically, he's been causing me trouble for a whole week. And I've been trying desperately not to go MAD at work and rip the headphones off and throwing them (please, Milla, let me keep the headphones, they're new, they're good! ;___;), or pulling my hair off or something. He's really driving me insane. And no, I've tried everything; changing batteries, making sure all the parts are where they're supposed to be, hell I even changed to the SUCKY headphones I got with it (because the manual said I couldn't use any others), but he still did the same. He hates me. So today, when I finally reached my limit, I gave him a time off; for an hour. Yeah, you can whine as much for my attention as you want little devil. Anyways... so in the afternoon, I saw that the battery level was low. And no, that is not the issue, since I've already tried changing batteries. But still I thought, what the heck, I've tried everything else. So I changed batteries to a new one; and voilà! He worked! ..................... Yeah. he had me fooled for like half an hour or so. Then he started his devilish cry for attention again. I almost yelled "I hate you!", but then what kind of mother would I be huh? (Also, the employees would stare at me....)

He better get his grip together, you hear me little devil?!

Oh! I'm free tomorrow (or should I say today? It's 2.30 a.m.) My boss came up to me and said they don't have enough work for tomorrow. And I know I know I should be worried that they don't have enough work... but all I can think of is: OH MY GOD! THE BEST DAY TO HAVE TIME OFF! You see, VAMPS has a secret gig somewhere in Tokyo, and they're gonna stream it live. LIVE! I've never seen HYDE like... move the exact same moment he does in real life! That must be different! XD But you know... it's 6 p.m. there, which means 11 a.m. here. Sucks. I'm working. Oh no, wait, no I'm not, I'M FREE!! And I'm totally gonna watch it!! I should go to bed right now so I don't oversleep.

I'm gonna change most of my userpics soon. xD I wanna find good ones. Real ones. Not stupid pictures I've put together in paint...

Yesterday was... intense! I'm not gonna put it in a good or bad way, because it was both. And it was either really good or really bad.
The day started with the date with Cris. The best date I've ever had (not that I've gone to many XD ). It lasted four hours, and was probably the best hours of the day yesterday. Thank you for that. And sorry I left so... suddenly. My dad got home, and J woke up, and with everyone in the room with me I couldn't concentrate. I can't even remember how I said goodbye. I hate sudden goodbyes like that.. 
Anyways, the day continued fine. Me and J baked glutenfree pizza for us, my dad and my brother. Hard. But highly appreciated.
Later that night I read something on a forum. That some webradioshow in France was gonna have a Laruku evening. So I checked the site, because the show had started an hour before. And it was so awesome. Only Laruku songs, and a lot of French talk in between. At first I just liked to listen, but after a while I started agreeing with them and realized "hell! I know what they're saying!" Finally I got to use my French for something useful XD I mean, maybe I couldn't understand the full sentences. But since they were talking about L'Arc, and it's not that hard to follow every-day-talk, I basically got at least the subject they were talking about. They were talking about Laruku in the old days, and I noticed suddenly I had a big smile on my lips. I had plugged in the headphones to the computer, because J was on the phone, and I was supposed to plug in the PS2 for her at the same time. But I was bouncing up and down on the floor, trying to catch up with the French people. And then they called people too. All the French people took a lot of time to answer. I mean, seriously, how many signals before you get to a voicemail? The radio hosts were all like "heeuh? someone answering?". I think they called one fan who called herself (I'm guessing it was a girl, she never answered...) Sakura. Cause I got all shocked when I heard one of the hosts sing "saakuuuraaa, tu va repondre?" in a happy voice (I'm not gonna think too hard about French grammar right now, I passed the test okay? XD). Anyways, I thought it was so much fun to hear them sing like that. And the same kind of hyperness I had had on the date with Draeca I got from listening to these French guys. Anyways... they asked questions to the ones that DID answer their damn phone. And I was so proud that I could follow the talking XD And the talk about old-days-laruku made me more hyper. Like (grammar, kill me) "Qu'est-ce que du nom du troisiéme album de L'Arc~en~Ciel?" (L'Arc~en~Ciel sounds so beautiful when said in the word's home language! XD) and the French way of answering "heavenly" is so cute. I died. Anyways, I'm spacing out. I'm sort of just blabbering about this, because it was so much fun. And I don't really wanna come to the bad part of the day.
Okay. Because, just as I was enjoying to maximum there, cuddled up in my headphones, J sort of asked for my attention with her eyes and then pointed at the computer screen. This is where the bad part starts...
( shit )

I want the Laruku evening on the French radio to be again another night, so I can enjoy it fully.

So. It's 4.a.m. It's not like me to be up at times like these. I'm waiting for J to come home. She's working during the night, part time this summer. She gets off at seven. I was scared that I would oversleep and not be able to open the door for her when she comes, so I just figured I'd stay awake and sleep during the day with her... I don't know if that was smart or really dumb. We'll see. I've been trying to entertain myself. Me and my brother watched Family Guy; the Star Wars episodes early during the night. And then I've been browsing around trying to find fun stuff. Now I'm just plain bored.

 

( Don't know where this rant came from... )

 

I have some things to announce.

The sci-fi guy is getting... better. Maybe he wasn't so bad, you know. I was just... on edge. And I had no patience. Also, it's a known fact that I'm a bitch, so I suppose that was it xD I'm totally bonding with some of my co-workers now. One woman, Kim, is like the funniest person ever. Her brain hasn't been eaten by the company yet. We have made a pact that if one of us gets bitter like the other ones we hit each other. Also, she makes jokes about winning millions and buying the company only to close it down. OR to start up the exact same company across the street, stealing all the employees, raising their salaries, and practically sell everything for free so that the other company closes down. Basically everything was about closing Prefond AB down.
Right, the sci-fi guy. We've been talking lately. Also, he has been helping me during this week of hell. I haven't slept much (my own fault, I know) and I've been feeling sick at work. He gets my spirit up, and keeps me awake so that I don't lose body parts in the machines. Today was the worst. I thought I would collaps a lot of times. I felt how weak I was, I could barely stand up. He offered chewing gums and hot chocolate all day. And about the sharing-thing with him. I guess I just have to take more space, and he'll listen to me too. today he even asked what I was listening to. He shouldn't have. I am going to tell him ALL about VAMPS. Explaining EVERYTHING. He's going to be the VAMPS expert when I'm done with him *evil snicker* haha

I shouldn't start talking about VAMPS. I'll never stop. I'm getting into a VAMPS phase. Totally. I.... pre-ordered their album. (I was sad. I can't see them in Europe. I needed a consolation thing). And, ever since I did that they keep releasing AWESOME things. I'm getting starry eyed.
I got the REVOLUTION PV a while ago, and it has kept me going for two days XD I'm so high. RIGHT, I wasn't gonna start!

Oh. I have holidays now. For two weeks. Lol. It's getting warm (warm...er) too. I'm complaining and still, it's warmer in Japan at NIGHT than it is here by day-time...

I came home from work. And slept. That's why I'm so calm.

Since I can't remember any of the other announcements I had at work, I'm just gonna stop here xD I'll be back

So finally. After two years. J's mother knows about us.

Iiiiihhhh. I just sent my FINAL BIG TEST to my French teacher! 
Now it's done.
I'm so fucking nervous!! 
I HOPE I DID WELL T_____T
It took me three and a half hours...

Now I'm gonna go eat breakfast.
And menstrual pain is raping my body,
so I'm also gonna go drug myself.
Have a pleasant midsummer...

God, I'm so frustrated! I'm so tired. I'm so sick. Of everyone! I'm bothered by so much I don't even know if I will have time or the power to get it all down. I'm making a first try...

Most of all this can sum up in one word: work.
( work is really boring and I hate going there )


And other stuff, not on the subject "work" anymore. I can't stand people at all anymore, it seems. Maybe I'm not compatible with people anymore. What has happened to me? I can't be around anyone without being bothered until I think I'm gonna pull my hair out. I miss the times where I didn't have such a hard time keeping friends, or getting them. I miss not having to fight, and not having to brush away my own feelings, in order to keep a friendship. I announced some sort of "meeting" with as many of my "friends" as possible, before going to Japan. I don't feel like meeting any of them anymore. Seriously. I just wanna throw it all away. I'm sick of hearing "yes yes I miiiiisss yoouuu, I'm dyyying to meet you, come visit meeeeeeee". And the thing I'm MOST tired of hearing is "I REALLY wanna meet you, but I have NO money, you know!" Yeah, say that to the girl who's been unemployed since Christmas and on top of that is going to Japan... to study... yeah I haev a looooot of money. I still go places don't I? Besides... you all go to school goddammit, you get money once a month! Not a lot, but a little. If I was at least a little important to you, can't you save up some money? No, I'm not worth it. I'm just not worth it. Also, what happened to my "bst friend"? We haven't met for a year. The last couple of times I have gone to her place. We never talk anymore. Still she always say she misses me. And I keep bugging here about coming to visit me this summer. "yeah, I'm gonna check trains". And she, too, is complaining about not having money. NO ONE HAS MONEY RIGHT NOW HONEY! But what happens? As soon as I'm not NAGGING her about it, I hear nothing. Fine. I don't wanna meet you. Don't fucking come to visit. I don't want anyone here! ... Why has no one visited me in two years? No one!
This weekend I went with J and Saga to Liseberg. It was so much fun. I realized those two are the only ones I can basically stand being around. I don't have to fake anything with them, and they're not DESTROYING my nerves as people seem to like.

God this was like the longest rant you've ever gotten from me. Probably won't write this much again either xD
I probably didn't get it all in here, but at least I feel calmer, having it out of my system xD I should go, before I come to think of more stuff that bothers me. There is a whole list...

So. Today I actually got some work done. I have practically catched up with all the pages that should have been done in the French book by now. Now I just need to do a LITTLE bit more, so I'm ahead again xD I like being ahead.

I always get so blanc when I think "Now I have time to write something on LJ!". I can't remember a fucking thing I was supposed to write, although I know for sure a lot of subjects has been going through my head this week that I thought "Ah, that I'm gonna write about and get it out of my head". Now it's all stuck.

Well. At least it's good to know... I have finally made up my mind about the next French course. I will not be taking it. It feels so good to finally have decided, and now I only have two more weeks of studying and then I'm DONE (for this time...). I can't believe I actually thought I would be able to study the whole summer until the beginning of September and then go to Japan in the end of September and study more language. I'm gonna sound like such a language nerd. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm boring. I don't like what I write xD Maybe I will erase this whole post...

Anyhow. I thought I would play some PSP when I was done with homework... Maybe I'll go do that. Oh yeah. I've started over with Crisis Core... again. But for real this time! I'm gonna finish it, and I'm not gonna stop or play another game until I do so. When it comes to games I actually AM kind of a nerd. And I feel totally odd saying that I have both the English and the Japanese version of Crisis Core. Why, you ask? English; to understand of course... all the little jokes and mini-missions get so much more fun xD. Japanese; the voices are so hot! =.= And I mean, how often do you get to hear Gackt talk in a game? Only that, my friends, is worth it. So now, I had a hard time choosing which one I should begin with (I plan to get the other one done as soon as I finish the first one...) But I chose English... Because I have basically forgot a lot of the story, so I thought it would be smart xD And also, maybe if I do it this way, I'm gonna play the Japanese one when I'm actually in Japan, and I'm gonna be so happy if I can understand a bit you know xD

Now, a lot of subjects came back to me. But I'm seriously not in the mood for writing them. I'm not in a bad mood. I just... don't know what I'm doing on the internet xD Lately, I'd feel happy just being. And everytime I get time to go online, I get so quickly bored. I just, don't have the power to write and such. And if it wasn't for the fact that most of my best or really good friends are only to be found here, I would probably not be here now xD Ugh... I mean... I have stuff to do... I have games to play... new manga to read... music to listen to...

And tomorrow I'm going to town to buy a white t-shirt. Then I'm gonna print HYDE on it. Then I'm gonna make J paint his wing tattoo on the back. And then it's a birthday gift for the girl who thinks she's married to him. I think it will make a good gift. ... I never thought we would be such good friends in just a couple of weeks. Especially when the first thing I saw her write was that message where she was upset that he kissed a girl... wow. Maybe I shouldn't think "crazy girl" so quickly xD

( Last thing, I promise )

Still on the body aches subject.

Just came home from work, and decided to vacuum clean my room. And in.. four minutes... I'm going to dance practice and I can barely stand up, that's how much it hurts. My dad gave me some sort of... I dunno.. thing, for the muscles. I'm hoping it will help. =.=

Btw, on the subject on Hyde speaking French, I forgot to mention something, and it is bothering me so much that I didn't write it that I have to continue the subject today ^^
All through the concert he kept screaming this word, that I later identified as the word "sauter" which means jump! xD Although, I watched almost the whole dvd thinking it was the word "sortez" which instead means go out or leave! xD I kept wondering "Why is Hyde screaming to his audience to leave?!" That's how entertained I was...

If I don't go now, I'll be late. But at least now I won't bug myself over not having written everything I was supposed to xD